Life on Mars - As If

As if life wasn't complicated enough with the Boys in Online school that I'm in charge of, and my own increasing sales, and the lighting designs, that I'm about to give up on, My DD's baby I watch, and the help I have to give her through the Halloween Sales (hand-stitching buttons, and skull heads, and threading corsets), my crazy daughter just picked up a worm infested 7 week old Lab - Boxer mix puppy.

OK - The Puppy's really cute. But I know it's going to be a lot of work and sleepless nights. FOR ME, because I'm the one who knows how to do everything around here, including training a puppy. She's a pretty good girl though. She already is pretty well trained. Goes outside.

I also had a full moon kind of week in other respects. My DS FINALLY got the temporary fix heart surgery he needed at the Mayo Clinic. For those of you who don't know, he's been trying to get disability insurance and Medicaid for several years. He finally got the insurance and it's been about a year that he's been trying to get diagnosed and whatever else he needed.

The full moon part of it, is not the fact that he finally got the defibrillator put in that will pace his irregular heartbeats and start him up if his heart stops, it's the fact that, even at the Mayo Clinic, there were complications. During the procedure his lung collapsed and his heart stopped. I was really freaked out when I found out, but he's already home and he seems to be doing OK.

Sales are really really good this month. For some reason Bow Ties are really hot. I know some were for homecoming, but that's pretty much over and I'm still selling ties. I also got a chance to have dinner with my lovely cousins again. Good food and wonderful company. So the week wasn't all tense and scary, just some parts.

Now that the full moon is over, lets hope the new month has a little smoother sailing.

Life on Mar - The Ghosts of Family Past

I've been thinking about my family a lot lately. Mostly the family that has left this mortal coil. I recently lost a cousin to cancer. Fortunately he didn't suffer long. Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with him his last few months.

Thinking about my cousin, and things we did together, reminds me of my other family, the older ones, most of who have already moved past this life on Earth. Today, for instance is either my Grandmother's or my Aunt's birthday. I never remembered which, because one is the 30th and the other is the 31st. So I kind of have to wish them both a Happy Birthday at midnight on the 30th. Works!

I've been thinking about my cousin, and his mother, who have passed. I loved his mother, a very young great aunt, and both of her sons dearly. I will miss him as I miss her. His brother, is my closest and dearest relative, as is his wife. Oh yeah, I guess I love my kids too. But I was thinking of the relatives on the other side of my birth. There are really only a few of those left now.

I've been thinking about my mother and father too. Both are gone now. My favorite uncle and his sister (the one born today or tomorrow) another favorite.

I wonder sometimes if that is why we finally let go. Is it just that there is a certain balance of friends and family that go to the other side and we feel awkward without them here. I know my cousin who passed, was talking about his work reunions, and how there were less and less people, because the all moved on. So many of his friends and family were gone too. I think he liked his reunions. I hope he's having a big wonderful one now.

It's funny how we get so sad when we loose family. If you have faith, most religions have us believe that there is a wonderful glorious reward waiting for us. We should be extremely happy for our loved ones. But we are mostly extremely sad for ourselves. My cousin who just past was pure joy. He was nothing but fun to be around. I'm sure he had bad moments, but I never saw them. He never even expressed suffering while he was obviously weak and dying. I will miss him and all those others too.

I'm not big on the thought of Heaven, Spending eternity with family and friends. I guess I'm not a person who likes to think in terms of anything forever. I'd rather reincarnate as an ant than be in the same place with the same people forever. But that's theology and not the subject of this post.

I only know that the ghosts of family past have been visiting me lately. The good and the bad. And I'm missing my friends and family.