The Night the Old Lady Fell

OK so maybe old lady is not exactly accurate, but fall I did.

For those of you who have read Thurber, you might be familiar with his story, The Night the Bed Fell. It is my favorite short story and the one that made me fall in love with Thurber's wry humor. My story goes something like this.

I had been having a rough few weeks. An abscessed tooth and following extraction, far too much snow on the driveway and everywhere for that matter. Then on garbage day I safely made it up the icy hill with the small dumpster, got my mail from the box, dashing to avoid cars on the busy road and made my way back down to the house. I was on the flat surface of the drive, not the hill, when I turned and lost my footing. One little pop later and my ankle was broken.

I crawled to the house and in short time was whisked away to the hospital by the local ambulance, where I spent the most part of the day getting tests for my hypertension. Of course my BP was high, I just broke my ankle!

But this isn't the night I fell. That came a few days later.

Doctor visits finished for a few days, work almost caught up (from my sewing business), the annoying grandson had left for home and replaced with the slightly less annoying one, I was ready for a quiet night. My foot started to swell a bit, so I called the on call nurse and they said it should be OK. Everything is good, I just need some rest. I take a pain pill and curl up in bed.

At a little past 1 am, I wake up shivering with a bladder about to burst. I hate walking on the crutches at night or early morning, I'm very shaky. But I got up and made it toward the bathroom, very slowly and carefully. It's ridiculously cold, I think to myself. I wonder if the grandson turned the heat down. I checked and it's set at 70. "Doesn't feel like 70" I moved on the the bathroom, and afterwards, head back to the living room, where my grandson is sleeping on an air mattress on the floor.

I was still on my crutches and saw that the boy was awake, so I started to talk to him about how cold it was and I started to turn toward the thermostat to see what the temperature was and I lost my balance. Crutches flying one way and the old lady flying another. I crashed down onto the TV table and hit my back so hard that I was writhing on the floor in pain. Not knowing if I broke more bones or not, I stayed there until the pain subsided a bit.

Then I saw that my stained glass lamp had tumbled to the floor and the lamp base and bulb were in pieces. I was in pain, but the lamp was more important. I had my grandson take it and put the shade in a safe place. And he put the base in the kitchen. Then as I got up, I noticed that I broke 2 legs of the coffee table.

Just to put perspective on how cold it was. It was only just under 50 in the house, not freezing, "yet". But it was about -5 outside at that time, so a working furnace was definitely in order for comfort.

Pain finally subsided a bit and it appeared that I had no more broken bones. So I got up and lit some candles and turned on the electric stove. At least a little heat. Still on crutches, but sore.

The grandson starts pacing and complaining that we're going to die. The CFL light bulb from the lamp broke. I told him not to worry, but that didn't help. I told him to put the lamp, with the broken bulb outside and he tossed it in the snow. I may not find it again until spring.

I headed to the bedroom to lie in the bed and try to get a furnace repair person, but the grandson was still panicking about the light bulb, so I told him to look online. He said everyone has to leave the room and we have to air it out for five to ten minutes. I assure him it was OK, but he opened the door to the -5 weather, with no furnace to reheat the air, and aired out the house. You're also supposed to shut off the furnace, but in our case it wasn't a problem. Then to reassure him more I called poison control. After that, he almost believed me.

I didn't really realize how late it had gotten with all the excitement. It was also getting colder, so I began to call all the furnace companies with 24 hour emergency. Yeah Sure! Looks great in paper, but try to actually get someone in the house. After several calls and messages left for morning calls, and a text message to my landlord, I blew out the candles, and turned off the oven. I didn't need fires on top of everything else.

We slept for a few hours, then I woke up freezing and that just made my bladder uncomfortable. My grandson will NEVER let me use the crutches to go to the bathroom at night or early morning again (actually, it was the second time I fell, loosing balance) so we set up a series of rolling chairs on a path to the bathroom. Darn bumpy thresholds, that you can't roll over.

I stayed up and called to cancel my doctor's appointment, called my cousin to cancel the ride, talk to my landlord who made a furnace repair appointment AND cleaned the drive And brought me a space heater. She's great. And I watched the sun rise with a promise of warmth to come and only 11 more days of Mercury retrograde. My back hurts more than my broken ankle does. Is that good or bad?

Mother's Day - Ever Have One of those Kids?

I thought I'd talk about what Mother's have to endure with their kids. Hey, mine weren't as accident prone as my daughters are, but I did go through hell with them. As a matter of fact my son was so careful not to get hurt that the day he skidded on his bike and came to the door skinned from his nose to his toes, the look of shock on his face was so comical I could hardly stifle a laugh. Nice mom huh?

My son did, however, have to go through a lot of surgery and hospital visits with his heart condition. Guess that's probably why he didn't need any more abuse to his body, and therefore the utmost caution in playing games.

My daughter was a klutz, but no broken bones, except apparently when she dropped the bowling ball on her big toe when she was five. She seemed to go through life unscathed until her preteens. There was the day that her eye suddenly started flipping up in her head. We knew she was evil, but here was the proof of her possession. Nope, turns out she had a lazy eye all these years and it never showed until she started staying up late and got less sleep. Too late for surgery, she had to wear special glasses and still does.

Then the bowling ball thing. Bet you thought that was too easy. Turns out it kinda split the bone in the tip of her toe, and an she developed a bone tumor during her growth spurt. Two surgeries to try to remove and 2 trips to remove the toenail later, and there is still a little spur on her toe.

That's the story of my kids, how about yours.

Here are some pictures of my daughter's kids. The youngest boy's face seems to be a magnet for disaster. These are 3 different incidents. The first happened at school the day the baby was born. Kinda hard to see, but he has s shiner. In the
second, he was recuperating from almost loosing his eye, when a plastic thingy at the end of a bungee popped him right in his eye and caused internal bleeding. That one had to sit still for a month. You try to get your 8 year old boy to sit still for a month.

And the last picture is from this year's Halloween party where the mean kid next door pushed his face into a metal chair (he fell into it). He has taken Karate lessons now, so hopefully he has discovered how to change his center of gravity to his body, not his face.

Then there's the baby. Right now she's about a year and a half and yes,
that picture is her in a cast. She doesn't walk yet, but that's because she's a mountain climber. She likes to test her standing skills by climbing on bed and sofa and bouncing on them. We're always careful to watch her, but her parents didn't think that she would fracture her elbow from taking a little spill off a picnic table bench. But the way this little daredevil plays, we all fear there are more hot pink casts to come.

Happy Mother's Day to you patient and loving Moms out there and I  hope your kids appreciate what you put up with for them :)

Life on Mars - After the Fall

I haven't posted much lately. Not that I don't have time, or that my life has been uneventful. Far from it. I guess that Falling down the steps of the house, and the stiffness that came of it, just threw me out of whack.

It's been overt 2 weeks now, and all that remains is a 3" x 1 1/2" lump, a 3" diameter bruise over my tailbone, and a 3" X 7" bruise on my butt cheek. (Don't even think to visualize). The bruise on my elbow is barely noticeable.

I guess I was lucky, the wood on the back porch is kind of rotten and moldy and the steps get slippery when it rains. I usually hold the rails, but I was mad at the pup who peed in the kitchen and I was running her out cursing. Both my feet flew out from under me and fortunately I landed on my back near my hip on the edge of the stairs. I actually feel blessed, because it was a very hard fall, and my spine was just a few inches away. It could have been much worse.

Long story but short version, I tell the lady owner and she yells and swears at me. Then she comes over later  with sandpaper step treads (not really waterproof) and gets mad when we say that there is no way in hell that the sticky backing will stick to the moldy rotten steps. (I actually said it much nicer). Then her husband comes over and starts swearing at me and tells me he's going to raise the rent $100 a month and then tells me to leave, all because I fell down the stairs and told them I wasn't going to the hospital, because I didn't want them to have to claim in on their insurance. What a couple of freaks.




Other than that, we had a very late Halloween, due to Sandy. I'm sure some kids in Jersey haven't even had theirs yet. Emer dressed in gore and when Poppy posted the pics, friends thought it was another real accident. No Emer is not the accident prone one. Very realistic bullet hole, but once again Emer is entirely inappropriate as he wore this costume to the neighborhood where kids were shot at the High School last year.



Luna was an adorable little witch, but she wasn't very happy. She hates coats, shoes and hats.

The Dink is a Spy of some sort. Video Game character.

Puppy is growing. Business is post Halloween slow, but we're taking the opportunity to rearrange the house to better suit the needs of growing children with a school in the home. (moving the business into the living room instead of the bedroom), which means I get to move into a bedroom instead of the living room. Bottom bunk bed, but better than the living room sofa.

Life on Mars - Growing Puppy and Less Bruising

OK so maybe this picture is not the best example of the bruise getting better, but today you can barely see it anymore. This is about as bad as it got. As my DD said, quite the little "accident".

Things were quiet here. Sales almost at a standstill. The kids all went to Halloweekend at the local amusement park. I cleaned the house. Everyone partied but me. There was even a clambake in the neighborhood, but I really didn't think that $70 for a bake was reasonable for my budget. Someone who visits the food pantry every month, however, found it in their budget to buy for 3 members of their family. Guess that's why they visit the pantry.

Anyhow the party was down the street and loud and fun sounding, but I didn't even crash, because I was trying to fill jewelry orders and make gifts for the Birthday girl who will soon be one, and the teen and trying my best to straighten out the explosion that happened to our house the past 2 months. I was not successful. Had one of those everything went a little wrong kind of weekends. Not disastrous, but just lots of little problems.

I also just had to post more pics of the pup. They aren't great because the best light is in the kitchen and the floor is black and white and the pup is black and white. There are also a lot of leaves on the floor from taking the pup in and out all day, but I didn't feel like cleaning it again just for the pics. I also clean the floor about 5 times a day, maybe more, because the pup is not quite trained yet. But for the most part, she is the best smartest puppy I've ever known. I did have a very smart dog once, but she was a little hyper. This one seems to have a calmer disposition. Not that she's calm, she's a pup, but she's better than my other dog.

Pup pup, who does not yet have a real name, rings a bell on the door, or grabs the leash when she wants out. But she mostly can't hold it long enough for me to get her in time. She sleeps in her crate for 10 hours at night. She sits on command when I give her a treat. She climbs the stairs and has since she was 8 weeks old, and yesterday when I took her for a walk and she came across a puddle stretching across the whole street, she jumped over it.She is only 10 weeks now. I think I can train this dog for shows. I was really mad when DD brought her home, but now I love her.

Life on Mars - Gummy Bears and Bruises

Another crazy week in costume hell. DD ordered fabric that was promised and never shipped. She had to rum out and buy more, interrupting her work flow. At the end of last week our NEW serger broke so we had to order another and wait until Tuesday to serge. DD did all her cutting while waiting. Good thinking Poppy.

We really could have used the babysitter all week, but she had things to do, so I had to deal most of the week with the baby and the 9 year old's school. Both boys got a little sick and were a bit whiny. The 15 year old had to go to the clinic and get meds for a sinus infection. By the end of the week, they were feeling a bit better and the sitter was back on the job.

Poppy and I were stressed and got into a big fight. There was lots of yelling and crying. But the puppy is finally starting to sleep at night. She seems to settle down when it's dark out. I love that in her. She actually slept one whole night all the way through. But mostly she only wakes once to go out. I don't mind that at all. I guess she was just too young when we got her. She was only 7 weeks. Now she's a very mature 10 weeks.

Luna in Gummy Bear costume 

The mother in law was putting on a Halloween Party at our clubhouse this weekend. Besides being a little off normally, she gets even worse in the fall. The stress of putting on a party by herself makes it even worse. She told the older boy that her party will be much better than the one his mother did. That was the best party our association ever had and he was very offended. She has a habit of offending the kids. Like when the middle one almost lost his eye and she bought a gift for the girl that instigated the accident and not her own injured grandson.

I was supposed to be helping Poppy with the costumes, but when I took the dog for a walk and stopped in the clubhouse, there was nothing there, no decorations, no dishes for the chips she bought, no food at all, just a few posters on the wall. I took the pup back home and got the middle boy, the baby, and our decorations, and we went back and decorated. I set out all the chips and helped as much as I could. There wasn't much there to work with. I wasn't really in the mood, because I was getting sick too.

I left when the baby got cranky, but there were only 2 kids at the party and I could't stand listening to the Pumpkin Patch Polka one more time. No kid over 3 would be interested in that garbage. I have no idea where she found that horrid Halloween CD, but it was scarier than chains and screams.

Dink with Bruised Cheek

After Luna napped a bit. Poppy took her back down and the 15 yr old went with his dad to decorate more. The party had gotten bigger, more kids came. The older boy doesn't like parties and came back. Asked me if I heard about the middle child. He fell and injured his face and had to go to the hospital. I went down to the clubhouse and there he was with a bag of ice on his face and arm.

I guess the swelling went down, because everyone said he looked better. I thought he looked like a zombie. Huge raised bruise and small cut on his cheekbone. He could barely move his arm. I checked him out and it seemed like just bruises, but they took him to the ER later just to be sure. That one needs a padded helmet with goggles and protective clothing.

At least when I walked the pup Sunday Morning at 5 am, I got to see just one meteor flash by Orion's thigh. I didn't even have my glasses on. That's the good thing about the stinking puppy.

Life on Mars - Family and Kids

An you thought my other weeks were crazy. Last Monday I had a wonderful visit with my cousin, to spend time with him and to find out more (if possible) about his cancer diagnosis. We sat out on their lovely patio in the sun, me, and 3 cousins, one, his daughter. It was so lovely.

We found out some things about each other we didn't even know. I did not know my cousin didn't have a middle name. He didn't know what mine was or why I had it. My middle name was my great aunt's name. She died of tuberculosis in the 1920s. She was my grandfather's only sister and he loved her very much.

The rest of the week was kind of hectic, because I had a lot of aprons to make and designs to work on. My daughter had a lot of running around to do and it was her birthday Tuesday, so not only did I miss a day of work, I had to grocery shop and make a very special 3 layer banana split cake for her.

It was such a pretty week that I took a little time (very little) to sit out in the sun, I can't work on the computer out in the sun, so I took out my jewelry. My daughter took a little time off work, to go out for her birthday, and they took the next day too, to shop and enjoy the sun.

Thursday after the kids got home, we all went to the beach by our house. My eight year old grandson was swimming and playing with a friend. He has a foam board with a cord for the lake. His friend wanted him to pull her, but she was too heavy. But kids don't think and he kept pulling. My daughter and I said to stop, and just then the cord snapped out and he was hit in the face with the plastic T that held the cord to the board. It didn't just hit his head, it hit his eye, and the eye was bleeding.

His parents scooped him up soaking wed and rushed him to the closest ER. They almost sent him home with some eye drops, then the noticed he was bleeding between his iris and cornea. They had to rush him to the children's hospital near downtown Cleveland. The accident happened at 4pm and they finally got home at 1am. In the mean time, I had heard very little and was freaking out so bad I got tons of laundry done and most of the house cleaned.

We still don't know if he will be OK, but it looks like it's healing. He won't be out of possible danger for a week or two. KIDS!!

Saturday was nice. Most of the stress over, my family got together again for a nice evening out at the local pizzeria. But my daughter and I are so behind on our work, we aren't getting any rest and her son needs to see the doctor regularly until we are sure he's OK.

What a crazy week.